Piranha 3D

In general, the bullet-pointed list is more suited to PowerPoint presentations then movie reviews. That's because films are usually better considered as a coherent work of art than as a series of loosely connected scenes. And in fact, Piranha does achieve this aesthetic wholeness, despite its rice-paper-thin plot. But that's not why you should see it. Piranha includes:

• two piranha fighting over who gets to eat a disembodied human penis
• Kelly Brook and another naked playmate performing a Sapphic underwater synchronised swim
• Christopher Lloyd reprising his role as Doc from Back to the Future
• two superb deaths-by-being-torn-in-two 
• Ving Rhames getting post-industrial on the asses of a shoal of piranha with a boat propeller
• the shredding of countless objectionable frat boys, and
• someone being eaten from the bottom up.

If you want to see these play out in glorious, colour-saturated 3D, then this is the film to watch. And if you don't, then what's wrong with you?